It probably takes two hands to count the many ways weed can be consumed, and every stoner has their preferred method of consumption, sometimes more than one. Despite the fact that my wife has the largest and most varied pipe collection I’ve laid my eyes on, pipes are not my jam. I enjoy something much more traditional; I feel joints best encapsulate the old adage, “grind it, roll it, smoke it.”
Joints are controlled. I know how much weed I can cram into a single-wide paper and how high I will be after sucking one back.
I will concede that my “traditional” is likely someone else’s “boring,” but there is something rewarding about taking a bud, grinding it down, spreading it over a paper, and carefully rolling it up with a cotton filter that makes me feel like I’m working in a cigarette factory in the mid-1800s. Or the Zig-Zag man. Everyone wants to feel like the Zig-Zag man.
The satisfaction of rolling the perfect joint isn’t the only reason they rank above all else. It’s not just the many pictures of perfectly rolled joints I get to throw all over social media as if anyone cares to see a single joint juxtaposed with my terrazzo countertops and a very obvious shadow cast down from my face – It’s much more than giving myself a pat on the back.
Joints are controlled. I know how much weed I can cram into a single-wide paper and how high I will be after sucking one back. It’s like those pointless goals companies love to define using a well-known, cheesy acronym. SMART. Let's pretend we are doing a performance review for a second.
Joints are specific. They are easy to describe and it’s well understood when I tell my parents I don’t have time to talk on the phone, I’m about to spark a joint.
Joints are measurable. See above for what this means.
Joints are achievable. Rolling a joint every day for the last year has provided me with more than the adequate skills required to get the job done.
Joints are relevant. They come second only to bongs in the stereotypical depictions of stoners in all forms of media. When you started smoking weed, they were likely your first method of consumption. They will never go out of style.
Finally, joints are time-bound. I only have so long to get high before I have other tasks to tackle. Rolling one large joint and consuming it is much more efficient than packing multiple small bowls in a tiny pipe that leaves me gasping for air and reaching for the Halls because my throat feels like it’s on fire.
Take a hit from your favorite bong while admiring its twists and turns, colors, and workmanship; the experience will feel better in unquantifiable ways.
While joints are my first option, it’s not my only method of consumption. Bongs sit second in line, but possibly not for the reasons you might think. While the smooth hit that the swirling, bubbly water provides is definitely advantageous compared to the harshness of your average pipes, I primarily enjoy bongs for the artistry. There are so many wonderful designs and options to choose from. While aesthetically pleasing devices don’t necessarily provide any measurable benefit to the quality of the hit, they do contribute to the experience as a whole.
Take a hit from your favorite bong while admiring its twists and turns, colors, and workmanship; the experience will feel better in unquantifiable ways. Of course, if using a bong made the measurable aspects of the experience worse, I wouldn’t use them. There has to be a balance, and bongs provide it.