I’ve wanted to order a Hemper box for some time now. Something about a curated package of goodies brings out my child-like enthusiasm. And, while I am aware that the contents of the box aren’t entirely a secret (the bong of the month is prominently displayed, and there is a neat, bullet point list of each product you’ll receive), it still feels like a surprise; partly because certain products like the ‘assorted quick hitters’ are only listed in broad terms, and partly because I didn’t bother reading the list of products before I ordered. If you, for whatever reason, haven’t heard of Hemper Co. and are wondering exactly what a Hemper box is – let me tell you.
Every month Hemper drops a new subscription box containing a unique bong and a dozen or so accessories. It’s like a stoner starter pack, only it also appeals to collectors of fun bongs, such as myself. The month that my desire peaked also happened to be when they dropped a very fitting pineapple bong, and let me tell you, what a bong it is! Let me break down everything my little stoner eyes took in.
Smell-proof bags used to be a staple for every stoner and probably still are in regions where weed hasn’t been legalized. I guess I forget how lucky I am to have the freedom to smell like I just spent three days in a Hawaiian hot box. Fellow Canadians might not have much use for these, though they are well-made, and I love the camo pattern. I could see myself possibly using them for convenience to carry a small stash for a day trip or possibly for other substances like mushrooms. They look like they would be fantastic mushroom bags.
Every stoner’s favorite lighter, or at least it should be. Reliable, refillable, and it holds a special stoner secret. The sparky bit pulls out to reveal a charming ‘rolling tobacco packing tool.’ Sure. ‘tobacco.’ Whatever Clipper wants to pretend this thing is used for, it’s definitely why cannabis lovers love it.
This tiny glass one-hitter is the first product I pull out of the box and immediately put to use after taking this picture of it. I love one-hitters. They easily slip into small spaces and hold just enough weed for a mid-walk pick-me-up. I find most of them perform admirably, this one included. Plus, this one is green.
Flavoured Quick Hitters
I had high hopes for these, mainly because the packaging refers to them as ‘multi-use.’ While I could definitely use these more than once, the subtle flavor had vanished after my first fill. Your mileage may vary, but I had no choice but to eat a banana after using these to fulfill my desire for something banana flavored. As a bonus subtraction of points, the amount of weed you can stuff into these things wouldn’t get a mouse high. I think I’ll stick with glass.
If I’m being honest, this, along with the hemp wick, are the only products that I haven’t even attempted to utilize. It’s not that I don’t think it will work, but I roll all of my joints using thick cotton filters so glass filter tips and joint holders have never had a place in my accessory box.
Aside from the bong, this ashtray is my favorite product in the whole box. Many people might find it difficult to get excited about an ashtray, but this one is exceptionally well-designed. The little spike in the middle has proved very useful at scraping the gunk out of bowls and off of screens, and the rubbery material comes clean with just a rinse. While you might think a rubber ashtray would be flimsy, it’s got some heft and has held its shape quite well so far.
I have never used hemp wick but apparently it’s the best way to light your buds, improving taste, removing the risk of inhaling chemicals from butane lighters, and it’s made from environmentally friendly hemp. If I ever figure out exactly how to use it, I might make the switch.
Pineapple Carb Cap
Carb caps are actually one of the most exciting rig accessories for me. Because they serve a straightforward purpose, designers are free to make them look however they want. This cap is shaped like an adorable pineapple, which would work well with the very cute pineapple bong I received if it worked with the supplied banger.
There isn’t much for me to say about the included banger. It works well and feels just as durable as I’d expect a banger to be. It’s unfortunate that Hemper included a slanted banger in the same package that contains a hefty but probably fragile glass carb cap. Why is this unfortunate? I only have two arms, which means I need to be able to place the rig on a stable surface to free up one arm to hold the carb cap in place during use. What happens if I simply set the carb cap on top of the banger as if it wasn’t slanted? I know for a fact that it does not stay put, and if one of my free hands didn’t intervene, I could only imagine that gravity would finish its task and send my beloved pineapple crashing to the ground, shattered into pieces.
There is no image for this product. No, I did not forget to take one, but Hemper did forget to include the bowl in my box. This is the downside of not thoroughly reviewing and comparing the content you are supposed to receive with what you actually got. I didn’t realize I was supposed to receive a good ole flower bowl with my bong until about 5 minutes before I started writing this piece. I am pretty confident, however, that whatever bowl I was supposed to receive would have worked just fine.
Second, to the ashtray, the bong is my favorite piece. Primarily because of the beautifully done pineapple that sits in the base, but also because, for a small bong without any fancy percolators or recyclers, it does an excellent job of cooling down the smoke before it hits my throat. The design outside of the aforementioned pineapple is very basic, but it works and feels like a quality piece that will lead to many stoned nights.